Writers and Editors (Pat McNees's blog)
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What's wrong with that sentence?

September 21, 2009

Tags: grammar and style

Sometimes examples of media inattention to copyediting cry out for public comment. Take the lead sentence in this ABC News story: "Police in Washington state captured a schizophrenic killer who had escaped during an outing from the mental hospital where he had been committed to a state fair."

That's the opener for the story Escaped Insane Killer Captured After Four-Day Manhunt by Dean Schabner:
http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/desperate-manhunt-escaped-insane-killer/story?id=8624637

In this case "outing" got separated in a confusing way from "to a state fair." How would you rewrite that?

Thanks to Anita Bartholomew for this example. Share when you find others!